Litter-ati

I have been trying to find a good kitty litter since I got the boys. I just can't stand that smell that invariably creeps into the box after a couple of days, even if you scoop it daily. It's just the ammonia and stuff, you can't control it after a little while, so you dump all the litter, start fresh. But all except for the first night it's fresh, it's down hill consistenty from then on.

BUT NOT ANYMORE! I found this GREAT litter... it's called World's Be*st Cat Lit*ter, which I thought was a little bold, but I now think I agree. It's made from corn, and it doesn't smell at all. I've been using it for 4 days now, have just scooped the box out everyday (it's a clumping litter) and that's that. Today I finally had to add a little more litter to make up for any that I've dumped out. It's more expensive, but it lasts longer too (supposedly 45 days before you have to completely clean the box, but I don't know abou that yet)... so I think it averages out pretty close to the same as premium clumping litters.

Best part is.... all natural, no risk to your kitties if they eat it. So, if you've got a kitty and you struggle with litter, check this stuff out. I am a BIG fan of it now, must spread the word!

An update to "the guy" emails, they've pretty much stopped. I finally took my ad down from the site, because it was clearly a VERY unfriendly atmosphere for those of us from the well-padded realm. I had one more really unpleasant exchange with a faceless stranger I politely dismissed, who replied with a "fat ugly whale" tirade.

Whew, those were rough waters, glad to be out of there.

And once again....

From: im a very hot guy. if you think Tom Cruise is walking through your door anytime soon you are sadly mistaken. you better take this unique offer before i change my mind.



*snicker*

And again (and Shopped Out!)

He emailed today, twice, suggesting that tonight would be a great night to get together and cuddle. LOL

Anyhoo, I spent today out and about with my friend Delaney and we did some shopping. We attempted to find a nice location outside so I could get a handful of new pictures, but it just wasn't working out... no place with enough privacy, good light. I was pretty bummed out, but we'll just try again another time.

The shopping went pretty well. I got super lucky with some deals, and she did well also.

I got FOUR (not 2, not 3, but 4!) pairs of shoes. Some of you are like "yeah?" but anyone who knows me, KNOWS that that is a HUGEdeal. Nothing ever fits.

I got my standard everyday sneakers, pink sandals and black ones (this picture is white, but same shoes), AND a pair of black dressy shoes that are stretchy all the way across the top!!! Woooo fuckin' hoooo for me! My feet are so different, that any shoes look a little funny on me... it's sort of half that nobody is used to my feet being in shoes, but anyway... it's something, and I was happy to be able to buy them.

I also bought a new bra, nighty-thing set, skirt, long/stretch lace garter belt (didn't have one). EVERYTHING all together was 74 bucks. That's including the shoes... good deals. The clothes were a great deal, the skirt I bought was only $4.22. Can't beat that with a stick.

Anyway, I noticed a comment from Stacie in the last posting about how she could hear me saying this stuff, and I just wanted to speak to that. It's totally true. I have some friends who read this, but I know many/most of you don't have the misfortune (hee hee) of knowing me personally. But it's true, if you can put any voice to this text... then you're hearing me loud and clear, just as if I was reciting it in your ear.

Okay, I'm freezing, going to snuggle under the covers a bit.

Heeee'ssssssss Bbbaaaaacccckkkk.

Apparently my last response didn't quite click either.

Late today I found this waiting for me:

From: you are missing out, we could really blow it out. Do you use drugs?


LMAO - oh man, this guy is WAY too much. If only I had a brick and his head within throwing distance, the deed would be done! Although, how much damage is done when brick hits brick? Damn, I may need something more formidable.

By they way, I am NOT responding to this one.

Round and round we go....

So, I posted a quick little personal on a non-BBW related site last night, just for shits and giggles to see what came of it. I've had a few emails, but one guy went on all day, and the way it just resolved, I really HAD to share it.

These will go in a "from" (his email) and then "to" (my response) format:

From: are you really 400? is that a misprint? thats heavy
To: Nope, not a misprint. My assumption is that if you're asking that... you were reading the wrong ad anyway. :)

From: do you want to have sex?
To: Nope, not looking for hook ups.

From: what are you looking for?
To: Dating, see what happens... boyfriend. Hookups are easy, and I'm not.

From: ill date you
To: LOL... why would "I" date you?? How about a picture, some information about you, something other than your obvious shock/disbelief that a woman can weigh 400lbs?? You don't seem to be offering much right now.

From: im hot, ill find a pic to send. im really into sex too.
To: You're hot and into sex??? That doesn't make you any different than the 30 other guys who've emailed me today. No sense in wasting time here. I'm not interested in getting together for sex - so let's just move along. Take care and good luck in whatever you're looking for.

From: im 30, live in newton centre, and im hot. what else do you need to know?
From: has anyone given you a good reason to act yet? any sweet men email you today?
To: Sweet? Not even sure what you mean by that, but there is nothing to "act" on... I'm looking to meet a nice guy and see how it goes. Hot is good, but it's only part of the equation.

From: BTW, im also rich. im sure that means something.
To: Nope, it means nothing. Did I mention a thing about money?? You can stop now, I have said "no" in every way I know how. Take care.

From: i dont mean to be rude, but you arent going to do better than me.....
From: you outweigh me by about 250 lbs.....that could be interesting. i might like that.
To: Look, I know it may seem odd for you. I know when you woke up this morning you probably didn't imagine you'd be attempting to pursuade a fat girl to have sex with you, and most shocking of all, that she'd be saying NO to you over and over again. But honestly, it's ok... all is right with the world. You just stumbled upon a chick who knows her worth, her options, and has done just fine for herself in all her past relationships. My no's are coming from a place of confidence and security in who I am and what I want. I don't need a guy who thinks he's doing me a favor by offering to have sex with me, I do better than that without even trying.

From: i think you are attractive, i like your confidence. And yes, you took me and 29 other guys today by surprise.
To: Thanks, that's very enlightened of you. It seems today has shown you something new, and that's great. :) Hopefully in the future you'll approach things differently, you just never know what you might find. Best of luck.

From: okay fine, ill pay you $500 to sleep with me. this is not a negotiation, but a final offer.
To: For the LAST time - I don't want anything to do with you, and I don't want your damn money. I am NOT interested in you - at all.


So, should I hold out for a grand??? LOL

*rolls eyes*

Singular Sensation

So, I mentioned I was thinking about singledom, and I still am. I’ve never really taken the time to lay out my single life, other than to say “I am”... and I think I feel like elaborating on it, because despite the simplicity of the “I am” statement, there is always more to it - as with most singles.

I was involved, years back, seriously, with a guy from the UK who was due to move here and live with me, but that didn’t happen, and we broke up. It had nothing (it appears) to do with me or him, just circumstances in his life that caused the split, and that’s that. So... single girl again.

I spent a lot of time moving past that relationship, and couldn’t even think about dating again.... but with time, I was more open to it. Three years ago, almost 4 now, I met a guy in CA and I started seeing/dating him. Now, when I say dating, I mean nothing defined. We would see each other when we could (we were lucky, we were able to more often than some long distance relationships) and it was great. We had a lot of fun, I looked forward to seeing him when I could, and my hope was that it would progress. It did, we saw more of each other for longer periods of time with each passing visit/year and I thought it was on the road to much more... but alas, I was clearly wrong about that and now that’s over.

So, I find myself back at the starting line. Not always a bad place to be, but different everytime you get here. You learn something new each time—things you want, don’t want, can deal with, can’t deal with. I get so many emails from guys that are of the “you must have men beating down your door” variety, and that’s a huge yes and no answer. I get lots of emails, sure. But, most are married, involved, in the closet, wished they “lived closer”, or are completely wrong for me in a multitude of ways that I couldn’t even begin to touch on. So, volume wise, sure... lot of quantity, but quality, possibility wise? Nada, bub. It’s extremely hard to find someone that I even get a slight “tingle” about, never mind get to a point where there is some regular correspondance, attraction, interest, etc.

Does this make me different than any other single chick out there? Not really. The perception that others have though is sometimes a problem. I think in my last “dating” situation there was a perception, due to lack of communication, about some crazy little fat planet life I’m leading. It’s parties and good times, and guys a plenty, and why would I want to settle down for something other than that? I don’t have that!! I don’t even want that. I’m a simple girl. I work hard, I live alone, I like to travel, I have good friends, and I would LOVE to find someone to share those things, and all the things that they bring along. It’s very hard to find that.

I’ve got this crazy thing about “click”, it’s GOT to be there. My friends pretty much get it now-which is cool, so there isn't as much pressure sometimes to "go ahead" with someone that just isn't doing it for me click-wise. Attractive to me is right up there-necessary and important, but attractive and no click won’t go far. I need to feel that energy going back and forth, and I don’t mean lusty (although that is good as well, but different). There are just certain personalities that get me going, and I know them when I run across them (although so rarely it bums me out).

The website is a blessing and a curse. The blog shows me, but you have to read it to get that. The pictures show me, but only parts of me at any given time. It’s the people who put the elements together who get a far better idea of who I am. At the same time, the stupid site has this force field around it, keeping out the “regular” guys (usually their word, not mine). I get emails from people who say things like “I’ve wanted to write to you for 3 years, and a year ago I met a great girl” which is super... happy for you, but why didn’t you write 3 years ago, you goof??? I will never understand that. It’s just an email, what have you got to lose? Worst that happens is I either don’t respond, or I respond and am not interested? No skin off your nose.

Lately I’ve opened myself up more to the process.

So, that’s where I stand singularly, and I guess we’ll just see how it goes.

Really nice email.

______
Dear AnnMarie,

I stumbled upon your website through a Dutch site I was checking out. (I am Dutch and do live in the Netherlands.) To be honest I was at first, amazed at your courage do be so open about your size. I myself am a big girl. I'm almost 29 and single, because most of the men here prefer slim ladies. Even my own father puts me down constantly because of my size. Buying clothes is something of a nightmare for me. Having said all that, I didn't mean to write this to moan about my life, but actually to let you know that having seen your pictures, I feel al lot better about myself. You are an absolutely gorgeous woman and your size does nothing to lessen that beauty. I've come to the conclusion that if I can see that about you, I can look in the mirror and see the same beauty in myself.

To keep a very long story short: Thank you for helping me finally realise that I too can be beautiful and sexy.
(name removed for privacy)
_______________

People ask why... THAT's why. :D

Sex games.

I have no one to play it with, but I think I would like to own this game... Erotic For Real (actually with a 4).

Anyone who's seen or played a sex game (meaning a board game, people!) knows they suck. They're terrible, bad cards, stupid commands, and you end up not playing in about 2 minutes, and not because it was so good you're already doing the deed. You stop because it's boring and stupid and rolling dice that match up with things like "lick" and "arm" just isn't that enticing.

From everything I read on this game, it looks REALLY interesting, and could cause SPM (spontaneous panty meltdown). I could be wrong, but I don't know... it looks promising. Of course, finding a partner to play it with would be half the battle on my end. It's expensive enough that I can't buy it in anticipation... but if I find someone, they'd better watch out... I'm getting that sucker! I dig the two examples they give for the more "erotic" cards - you don't have to use those if you don't want. Although I have to admit, expressing myself verbally is probably one of my worst qualities so this game would be a huge challenge for me... probably one of the better reasons to do it though. Pushing boundaries.

Okay... that's really all I had to share. Back to work.

A moment in time.

I just posted my SnapShot, which is the better of the two pictures that Sophie sent me (the other is in the post two down). As I was posting it I realized that it was taken a mere hours prior to my insanely bad weekend beginning (I mentioned a while back). I'm doing better, and days just go by, etc. But it was really striking, looking at myself in the picture, and realizing that when that was taken, the me I'm looking at was pretty happy, nothing bad was going on, and I thought everything was cool... then BOOM.

You just never know when you're not going to have someone in your life anymore, for whatever reason, and it's hard when you know that some of that reason is because you didn't say what you should have said when you should have said it. I second guess myself a lot now, and I have that little nagging voice "wish I could go back" and fix stuff. But, you can't. I will learn from my mistakes, and hopefully not let my overly cautious nature dictate what happens to my future. If I can share advice, it's "so hard to do and so easy to say" (to steal from Ben Har*per, and one of my favorite songs).... tell the important people in your life what they mean to you.

It's just weird looking at my face, looking at a whole different reality.

Okay, enough bumming out... :) Night!

Photograsicle

I have no idea what that means, but I was cold today.

I went out this morning as part of my mandatory aprés snow departure from my parking lot (I HATE that, but have to be gone from 9-11am after a storm). I thought enough to bring my camera with me.

I LOVE photography, and it was a big hobby of mine for a while. I had a great old manual Canon that my dad gave me (he's since reclaimed due to lack of use...ttthhhppp). It's been years since I really did anything actively with this stuff, mostly because I'm a control freak. I took a course in college, and while I loved it, it left me feeling that all developing aside from my own was inferior. Now, that's not to say there aren't GREAT developers around, but when you want to shoot B&W, and you get to control your developing, you get this unreal control over your product, and I really enjoyed that. I found that dropping things off to be developed willy nilly just wasn't cutting it for me, so I essentially packed it in out of frustration. I thought maybe someday I could get myself a darkroom set up, and I'd revist it then.

Low and behold, oh so many years later... no dark room, and no more photography. So, when I went to purchase a camera last year, I sort of had this in the back of my mind, and found an affordable camera with manual overrides for all of the otherwise automatic features... so when so inclined I can control the aperture, light, exposure, etc. Obviously not quite as much as I can with a good ol' 35mm, but it's still a big plus in an affordable camera.

I haven't used anything in so long, that I'm a way off from the settings, and am just shooting in auto right now, trying to get a feel back for composition, which is my draw to the hobby anyway.

So, all this is to say that - I shot some pictures! It was nice, I enjoyed it and hope that as the weather improves I will get out and do more. I don't have a style, or a goal, anything like that, I just shoot what I find pretty or that catches my eye for some reason.

I added a page to the site called My Eye where I can put up shots when I take them, if they're worth sharing, etc. I'm sure there will be some that I do post which will call into question my definition of "worth sharing" :) Anyway, I guess that's all from here.

Brrrrr.

For Donna on Lipstick.

Hey there Donna! I got your response in the post below, so I figured I'd answer here so you'd be sure to see it... and sorry to any of you who have no interest in my lipstick. :)

Okay, soooo, the lipstick is a combo pack from Bare Escentuals (dumbest name EVER!). I hate to admit that I ordered this stuff from TV. I am NOT a home shopper, but I really liked the color on the girls on the show (this is what happens when you're up too late at night). Soooo, I figured I'd order it and see how it went. I really like it.

You can find the product HERE, and that is exactly what I bought, in "nude". They have other colors too, but it's a liner, lipstick and gloss. I use all three, and I really like them. The lipstick is cool because it's creamy and doesn't have any taste, nice stuff.

Hope this helps!

Here is a slightly overexposed picture of me wearing it. Funny thing is, my friend just sent me this picture, and I said to her... that's my new lipstick, and she said "yeah, it looks really good on you" and then I saw your comment. It's kismet!



:)

I am becoming one of "those" people.

Okay, so I snapped a couple of shots of da' boyz today so there would be something more recent. Unfortunately, Orange is sort of preoccupied today with snow flurries. I just got them a window perch (which fatty barely fits on), and it started to flurry a bit, and I think he may have gone a bit mad in the reasoning process between what was falling, where it went and why he couldn't get at it through the window.

There are two pics of Orange only because I couldn't get him to sit nice for the camera like Mr. Grey. No favoritism at play.








And just as a quick point of reference, here is an old picture from their first week home. I can't even believe they're the same cats!!

Junk science in obesity "epidemic."

It's about freakin' time someone got around to publishing this side of it.

I can't even believe I'm posting anything from fo*xnews, but the writer is from junkscience.com, so it's not as bad as it feels. :)

Article is here

Fuckity fuck fuck.

I'm having one of those days, you know??

I mentioned a politcal book I'm working on, well I heard back today that rather than issuing alterations on my submitted design (which industry standard - going back to the designer with changes/comments, who can be bothered with that?) they instead took the entire design, went to their inhouse person so they can sit over their shoulder and change things, and had the whole design redone. Now... the not coming back to me thing is bothersome, but the major rub here is that the design they are NOW going with is exactly what I could have provided in the beginning had they been a bit more ... hmm, what's the word??? .... CORRECT in their description of what the fuck they wanted.

But nooooooo, the keywords I got were "gonzo, edgy, hip", so that's what I gave them. I get back an amped up textbook interior.

So anyway, that's that. I'm sort of bummed I'm not the official designer on the book now, but honestly, I'm so annoyed with their disregard for any semblance of process that I don't much care.

Next thing on my shit list. E*bay. I purchased a handbag waaayyyyyy back in Feb. I've been in touch with this chick via email over and over again, it's coming, check today, should be there, if it's not there Thursday, blah, blah, fucken blah. (I'm riled up, I don't usually swear this much in my blog.) So, it FINALLY gets here... and it's the wrong bag!!! Quel surprise! I wrote this big long letter, end of my rope... and she now claims it was a simple "wrong item in wrong envelope" situation. I want to drive to FL and wring her neck.

Hmmm, ok, I think I'm out of stuff and frankly feeling a little on edge!!!

Random additions.

Okay, first of all... funniest commercial I've seen in a LONG time. It's for Ci*tiba*nk, and it's a BBW posting a sign on a telephone pole about her reward for a missing hamster, with a curious man looking on. He notices that there is something scurrying around under her sweater, and he decides to grab for it as it runs around the front of her stomach, and up towards her chest. She proceeds to mace him (the spray kind, not the huge spikey club thing - although that would make me laugh pretty hard as well) and drop a trash can on his head.

It's hysterical... honestly. I think I keep thinking about some FA who'd be perfectly happy to have a chance to grab a belly under the guise of finding a missing pet. :)

I haven't done the FF in a while, so here is the last one.

What was...

1. ...your first grade teacher's name?
I had two, but I recall Mrs. McCormack.

2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon?
I loved the Barba Pa*pas, but sometimes I feel like I imagined them (but I didn't, see the pic!). Otherwise it was Jus*tice League of American, Smu*rfs.



3. ...the name of your very first best friend?
Melanie (she was first grade throughout all of school, the others before that I don't really recall very well).

4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal?
I really liked Golden Grah*ams and Ki*x with sugar.

5. ...your favorite thing to do after school?
That changed all the time depending on age, when I was little it was probably just to watch cartoons or play with the neighbors outside.

Alrighty, time to lay down.

Boyz Redux.

Here they are, the picture was taken in mid-January, so they're a little bigger now, but it's all I've got for now.

Now, in unison.... "awwwwwww"

Weekend. Check.

Well, it's Sunday night now... weekend has passed without any major incidents, that's always good.

I went to the dance, it was a nice turnout, strange crowd (in terms of regulars versus old crowd, lots of different faces and many new ones as well, which is always cool). We had a film crew there from iTV in the UK doing a little documentary on the social scene in UK, and catching our event as the example of what goes on in the USA, etc. The crew was really nice, seemed to be on the up and up, did some little shots and interviews. It was an interesting change of pace for the night.

I did end up hitting the hot tub, but only for about 15 mins... the filming was continuing so we sort of had to be gathered and chatting. I could have used a bit more time in there, it felt GREAT.



This beautiful little stained glass girl (actually not that small, I'd say she's about 8-9 inches high, about 7 across? Didn't measure, so don't quote me) is made by my friend Skye. They are bbbbbeeeuuuutttiiful. She's hand-made them and they come in different dress and hair colors, etc. I'm posting it here because I wanted to try to reach a more target market for her, and they are so unique and positive... I want to do all I can to help her get the word out. The picture does not do the work justice, and the glass is beautiful. Mine is a clear blue with auburn hair. Soooo, if you're interested in owning a BBW of your very own, you can contact her at skyebbw@yahoo.com to place custom orders - tell her I sent you so we know if this is working or not! :) They run about $44 plus shipping, and I know that may seem high to some, but the time and detail that go into them is worth the price. I really love mine (may even get another for my kitchen window!)

Okay, sales pitch over.

I've been having some random thoughts on singledom lately, and if I can get them into something more cohesive, I'll share. Right now it's just a big jumble of stuff and they're really just thoughts, I want to make sure they don't come off whiney... that wouldn't be my intention.

Well, I guess I'll head to bed... it's chilly here again tonight, so the covers are calling.

:)

Hey everyone.

First, thanks to all of you who've commented on the new set, I'm glad you liked it. :) I just did a picture of the week update... I think sanity is in the details or something like that.

I've been pretty busy with work this week, thank God. Sometimes it's just a relief to HAVE to do things and keep your mind busy. I've had to do a design for a really cool project I got, a political book that holds a VERY special place in my heart this year... so that will be fun to see produced. I'd give some details, but I don't know how credits, etc are going to be listed, and I don't want to expose myself too much. Suffice to say, if you're looking for ways to get rid of Bush, you'd find it informative and close to your heart. :)

Speaking of that... why is it that some guy with "God bless Ge*orge W. Bu*sh" in his profile was hitting on me? Talk about a match made in the bowels of hell.

Nights suck, too much time on my hands. But thank God for mindless distractions such as Ma*tch G*ame reruns on GSN.

I LOVED that show growing up, and I still really enjoy watching it, but the dynamics are just whacked. They're all smoking, drunk, poorly dressed and the answers are hysterical or completely baffling... depending on whether or not they are pop culture sensitive.

Right now Fo*ster Bro*oks is on, who... I'm not really sure what his deal was. He's always drunk, or playing drunk (unlike Cha*rles Nel*son Ri*ley and Br*ett So*mmers who are actually drunk). It's like watching the world's worst vaudville act. The lower tier tonight includes the guy who played the boss cop on CH*iPs - Ro*bert Pi*ne. It's really a stellar gathering. I prefer the episodes with Rich*ard Daws*on and watching the female contestants, clad in their 10 inch polyester collars, drool all over their double knit.

Hmm, didn't see that coming.

Okay, so... that's that. I am heading to a dance this weekend (one of ours, so not a huge oddity there). But, I am staying over, hope to hang out with some friends, and they have a GREAT pool and hot tub at this location, so I'm hoping to hit those as well. I'm frankly just looking forward to getting away from the house and be around people.

Night!

Still here.

Not feeling much of anything to share, but thanks for all the nice words everyone. :) I'm ok, or will be ok... getting better at being the robot. My friend Pey came down this weekend and we made like vegetables all weekend. Sat around, watched tv, slept, and ate snacks and made dinner.

It wasn't much different than some of my other weekends, but it was nice to just hang out with someone. My friends all live a bit far away, so it's not something I get to do that often. I enjoyed the time.

I did a site update tongight. I have to admit my motivation to do anything with the site (or pretty much anything for that matter) is lacking right now, but I have a few sets of pictures that I don't want to go to waste... so up they went.

Okay, going to watch Cops for a while. Later.