Incredible Missing Fat Girl.

That's me. I've been having some connection issues lately. My laptop PC, which I normally use to catch up on email, and when I'm online at night, just lounging in front of the tv, or doing things around the house, etc... is on the fritz. I can't connect with dialup for some reason, may be the modem, I have no clue. Anyway, that has greatly cut down on my online "leisure" time... so I'm largely missing from IM's, and email. I read them, but never get around to answering (still have them, I plan to answer.)

I tried to get the laptop back online with a wireless setup to my modem, and it's not working yet (something about drivers, Widows 98, yadda yadda). And frankly, I'm too fucking tired and disinterested to put much more effort into solving the problem at this point. I will get around to it, but probably not until I get back from CA around mid-August.

I am going to LA for the NAAFA convention (www.naafa.org), and will be out there from around the 5th to the 12th. I'm really hoping to hit San Diego while I'm there, I just have to see how schedules work out... but it's on my agenda. I'm flying alone, and I've never done that intentionally so I'm a bit freaked out. I'm sure it will be fine, and my arrangements are all made... but still is a source of slight nail-biting. I'm just so glad to be getting back to CA, I think the flight out will be a blur while I'm waiting to land. I'm really excited.

I'm toying with the idea of putting the site on hiatus for a while. I am just sort of tired of it all, and the day-to-day issues associated with keeping it up. My lack of content/timely updates on the picture of the week have been apparent, and should be a clear indication of my wishy-washy feelings. Between work, leisure time, trips, etc... it's just the last thing on my list of priorities, and after 4 years of it.... ideas and motivation are running low. I guess I'm just feeling a bit stagnant in life right now, and the obligations associated with the site just add to the feeling of being a hamster on a wheel. I'm not saying it's over, or the site is coming down, etc... I'm just sort of thinking of ways to give myself a vacation, and not feel as though I'm not meeting expectations of visitors.

I was driving home last night doing a lot of thinking about things. I am really into music, which some of you may know. I listen to many different things, and I really connect my moods and times in life to different artists, lyrics, and styles. I was driving last night listening to random selections on my iPod, and was just so happy to be venting good and bad feelings through songs. It made me think about old loves, being a teenager, where my life is, where I thought I might be, people I've connected with over the years, etc. I really think it's great to have such a primal connection to music. When I think about a person that I might be with someday (that mystery, as-yet-to-be-discovered, question-mark-for-a-face guy).... I know that he'll probably share some feeling about music in a similar way. I can't imagine someone who's not passionate about it. Anyone I've loved (the whole 2 of them) has felt some connection as well... so I guess it only stands to reason that someone in the future will as well.

Old loves. You know, we all have them, and it sucks sometimes to think back on what was, what could have been. I go through lots of different emotions depending on who it is I think of... whether it be about what could have been, or about "was it time wasted?", which honestly I never really believe. I think that anyone who comes in and out of your life gives you experiences and lessons that shape your future, your attitudes, and your choices in future mates. You can learn easily from those people what you want and don't want in your life. I know personally I've found it quite easy with one very, very bad relationship, and one very, very good relationship to know what is positive, and what is not, when I meet a potential date/boyfriend.

I suppose a certain amount of self-awareness comes from maturing as well. I've always been mature/responsible... I was that way as a teenager, and ever since. I think that I am often viewed as the "adult" figure in terms of decisions, points of view, responsible habits. That's ok... I feel sometimes like that might be the boring role, but at least I know I have my shit together (as much as any of us do). My point on maturity though is that I think a large portion of it comes from knowing yourself, and how you work. If you can be aware enough of your own needs and desires, then meeting people of like mind becomes... not easier, but clearer. I still RARELY meet anyone where his/my wants and needs meet on a close enough chart to even contemplate a date or something (about 2 in the past 3 years, that's not much... lol). But the good thing is that knowing a good fit from a poor fit helps get rid of a lot of trial and error.

I'm certainly not saying that I can size up a stranger in 10 mins, but after talking a while, you start to get a sense. Although, sometimes it is that easy. For example: the other day I got a response to a date profile I have online... a man who stated in his profile that "I love my country, and it's that simple. The best use for anyone who protests is as fill for potholes." Now, I have a close relationship with someone who protests, and personally... I'd hate to see him crammed in a pothole. :) I believe in a country where you say what you want, and share views. If you believe in stiffling someone's right to voice their own opinion, just because it's different than your own, then you're not going to be my kind of guy. Period.

Just to be clear, this train of thought isn't about being single really, it was just a long drive home, late, quiet, and thinking about things that have transpired in my life, and sort of picturing where my future may lead. I wonder sometimes about people I know... are they who I'll know now forever, will there be a whole new crop of friends again? Have I already met, or am I yet to meet, the person that I'll be with? I have no clue, no way to know those things. I just find it interesting to sort of mull it all over sometimes.

Okay, this is a long and rambling post, for sure... and it's late, so forgive me. I guess I just was thinking... and figured I'd share of bit of these random, fat girl thoughts.;)

Night, kids.

Queer Eye.

If you are not watching this show, you are missing out!!!! Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

I watch it on Bravo, and LOVE it.... it's hysterical, and true. I just wish they could reach every straight guy on the planet. What a wonderful world it would be... ooo la la. These guys are the kind you want around all the time... good clothes, good smells, style... yeah baby. The best part is that the guys who get involved are open and receptive to the help and advice. It's just so cool to me to see the give and take, and the guys are so much better for having opened themselves up to the change.

It's starting on network TV this week, can't recall if it's ABC/NBC... but check out your listings, it might start Weds.

Please... it's great. Oh... back to it... it was a commercial.

A bit more coherent.

I'm feeling a bit more together today, so I figured I'd give a run down of my recent trip. We flew out to a layover in Minnesota, and upon takeoff from there, we had to turn around due to problems with the landing gear. I'm not a great flyer to begin with, that wasn't welcome news. When we landed, we changed planes, then off to Vegas we went. We ended up coming in 3 hours late due to that and some weather issues... but getting there at all is all that concerns me.

We stayed at Sam's Town, nice hotel... sort of a neat set up. I found the casino a bit too small to make me happy for an extended stay... and the slot machine variety was a bit lacking. NOOOOO ELVIS machines. What the hell?? We made it over to the Alladin one night, which was a nice change of scenery... but I did miss hitting what have become regular haunts - The Riviera, Rio, Sahara, Freemont St. We had chosen not to rent a car, but for the cost to get to the strip from Sam's (40 round trip), I'd get one next time if we're going to stay there. I would like a bit more freedom to move about.

For those of you keeping track of my roulette play, I played 2 times. First bet, 5 dollars on 29, didn't hit. Walked away. 3 days later, 5 dollar bet, 29, hit... won. Yeah, it's really weird. I was actually telling an online friend and her hubby about my weird 29 thing as I was making the bet, and when it came up... she was stunned. LOL... always fun to amuse someone.

I had a little electric scooter for the last few days at Sam's Town. I certainly didn't need it, but my feet were killing me, and it just makes it so much easier to go all over the place. I think I most enjoyed racing up and down the hallways of the hotel (and my apologies to anyone I nearly ran over. :)

A friend of mine came and spent the weekend with me in Vegas, which was nice... I don't get to see him often, so I was glad he was able to find the time. Although, being sick for the last 10 hours or so of the visit probably wasn't what he'd planned on... my cold hit fast and furious starting late afternoon on Sunday.

I ended up down about 450 bucks for the whole trip (gambling money). Considering the most I've ever left before is down about 30 bucks, I am not complaining. I gambled quite a bit, and lost the bulk of that money (200 bucks) on the last night playing Let it Ride. I really, really like the game, but wow, it's vicious.

I'm trying hard to make my LA trip happen, but it's getting so close, and I have no concrete plans yet... making me feel like it might not come together. I really, really want to go - so I'm going to do my best.

Pictures from Vegas? Nope. Not one, sorry. I had my camera, but never took it out of the room. You can't take pictures in casinos, and it was so hot at the pool that it didn't even occur to me to bring it down. I think there are a few of me floating around, but I haven't seen any yet.

Okay, that's all for now kids. Later.

Yeah, I'm home.

I came home with a pretty bad head cold (still dealing with it), and my back out... apparently somewhere on the flight home I got a crick or something, and it just progressed from there. So, a few days in bed later... head cold and back issues... it's been a riot, let me tell you.

I have a ton of work to do, and am going to attempt to use my sitting up time to get some of it done. The picture of the week won't be updated until this Thursday, I just have a few too many things to deal with at the moment.

Be well. :)

Bright Lights, Big City...

Yup, I'm leaving, on a jet plane... but I know exactly when I'll be back again. I'm leaving tonight for the big LV and I'll be back next week - Weds. Woo hoo! I hate flying, but I'm looking forward to the destination.

Have a great week everyone - stay safe.

Bad, bad day, and the Target thing.

Jessie asked in the comments section of the last post about the Target boycott. I like Target, and am not boycotting them - just an fyi. Anyway, I guess the "issue" is that they were asked to sponsor/contribute to a Veteran program, and they declined, saying that their charitible contributions lie in other areas (and they listed what they contribute to). So, obviously, that struck a nerve with many, and they felt that a boycott was in order. That's that. I personally feel a company can contribute to whomever they want, and if you don't want to support their decisions, that's just fine and dandy. The only time I find the need to actually "drop" a company is when they are supporting something that I vehemently oppose, not just when they don't support something I do think is right. Example: I try to never order from Dominoes unless it's a deseperate time. Why? Because they are a huge financial supporter of Operation Rescue, and that is not something that I support. Anyway, feel free to choose how you all feel about whatever, and support the companies you choose.

Bad day? Oh yeah. Turned out fine, but I had a MAJOR computer problem, which involved me being at my Apple Store all afternoon, and eventually had to have my logic board replaced. It wasn't a fault logic board or anything, but I seem to have some type of "power" issue, and the surge caused damage. I have a back up power source, but I think it's broken. So, new logic board, new 120GB external back up drive, new battery backup power source... I "think" I'm all set. **knocks on wood** Poor guy from the Genius Bar at the Apple Store, I started crying. What a loser I am. :) LOL

Night folks!!