The two sexiest men I've seen lately.

I have two "types" I'd say. Generally, I like a younger guy (that just means younger than me, not 18 [that disclaimer was for Stephen Everett]), who's fun, nice, creative, artistic, talented, cute, maybe a smart ass, talkative, sweet. Those are the norm.

But my other type, which I've really just come to realize is a big one, and I think these guys could even beat out the ones mentioned above, is a little different. The slightly older, very clean cut, salt-n-pepper haired guys with maybe blue eyes.... I don't know who these guys are or where they come from, but they are sooo sexy. I don't see them very often, but oh my God. I just had one in my apartment.

His name was Tim and he was here to fix my air conditioning. Probably in his late 30s, bright smile, really nice hair cut (short ceasar style), hair was mostly white, just slightly dark still on the sides, dark blue eyes... cute, cute. Didn't hurt that he was super friendly, asked about my tattoo, etc... (mentioned his WIFE had a moon, oh well! LOL... like I had a shot he'd be an FA on top of all that... lol). Anyway, it was a lovely service call... and the only downside is that he can't fix my problem, so I won't be seeing him again.

Yeah... that type is a rare breed, and well worth finding. :)

The other sexy guy I've seen lately is on TV... yes, I know that sounds a bit pathetic. It gets worse. It's the new GAP ad with the guy who's dancing around on his own... I know it's about jeans. He is unbelievable. So free, so flowing, so fluid... so I don't know. It really strikes me. It doesn't hurt that he's LOVELY. I think it may just be the way he moves, but between the scruffy exterior and the dancing... it's just sexy on a level that I never see - freedom to move. When the commercial comes on I stop what I'm doing immediately and get lost in it - 30 seconds of sheer pleasure watching him dance. Fear not, I'm not nuts... he's just very easy to appreciate.

Ah, well... back to my boy-free reality. :)

Online pet peeve #89.

Joeblow: How u doin?
AnnMarie: ok, you?
Joeblow: Just ok????????

This tiny conversation bothers me on a few levels.
1: u - it's YOU... damnit, type it out, it won't KILL you.
2: Do NOT question my 'ok'. It means I'm ok, which would be a "thumbs up" if I was skydiving, or scuba diving or something like that. It means that I don't really know you, and a generic "I'm alive and kicking" response is all you're getting. Or... I don't know, it means I'm OK. And if I subscribed to the belief that there was a JUST ok... so what if I am?? JUST ok is still a valid state of being. Should I respond with deleriously happy? On the verge of tears? Feeling a little bloated? Depressed about the current state of world affairs? I don't know most of these people at all... is "ok" not an appropriate response for this kind of electronic discourse??

So, please... the next time someone says they're ok... just accept it. Really... it's o-k.

Downloading monster is back.

I finally found a great Mac Gnutella client for mp3 downloads - LimeWire... and I've been taking full advantage of my new find to make up for lost downloading time. I do have that syndrome though, you know the one.... "what was it that I wanted to download?". A veritable FEAST of music, and I sit there trying to think of one thing I wanted.

I have managed to burn one CD though, it's got a little of everything:
311- Amber (love 311, they can do no wrong)
AudioVent - The Energy (not completely into it, but I'm giving it a shot)
Ben Harper - Gold to Me (love Ben Harper, he can do no wrong)
Dashboard Confessional - The Best Deceptions (I quoted those lyrics a few entries ago)
David Gray - Babylon (he looks like my ex, and I love the song... great voice)
Eminem - Without Me (still the edited version, not sure why it's so hard to find the other - a very guilty pleasure. :)
Frank Black - Headache (best heard on high volume while screaming lyrics)
Jack Johnson - Flake (with BEN HARPER, need I say more?)
Mary J. Blige - Dance for Me
Outkast - The Whole World (c'mon, these guys are great)
Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me (they're an ok band, nothing "ooooo", but it's a fun song)
The Strokes - Hard to Explain (Strokes rule)
The White Stripes - Fell in Love with a Girl (such a cool band, great sound)
Xecutioners - It's Goin Down (see iTunes mention below)
John Mayer - Your Body is a Wonderland (beautiful song... makes me want a boyfriend - BAD)
Ludacris - Roll Out
The Strokes - Last Night

Sooooo, then I find out that my iTunes has this unreal feature of visuals. I've seen visuals on other music programs, and they're kind of cool, but this is SOOOO NEAT. It's mesmerizing, and I just wish I could do it justice with words, but you really just have to see it. Full screen is the way to go, and I can only assume that if you are someone who does drugs, it must be the neatest thing ever. I don't, and it's pretty damn cool... the kind of thing you look at and think "I bet this is something someone on drugs would really dig..." Yeah... I've lost a few hours of the past few days just staring into bright, swirling, pulsating colors. Wow.

Okay, that's enough for now... I'm off to play and work some more. :)

Dead fridge and chat visits.

Hello there folks... yes, I've been "out" for a bit... just readjusting to my time home, trying desperately to deal with the heat (which has finally let up here and it's gorgeous out... sea breeze, light air, beautiful sun... the days I live for).

My fridge died. It died late on Saturday night, I lost every morsel of food in it... damn thing. I have been trying to reach my landlord for a few days now... and finally got in touch with someone today. My assumption is a new fridge will be showing up in a day or so, but meanwhile, it sort of puts a damper on my ice cream snacks and... well, cooking! I can't even have a cold drink... it's quite annoying.

Note of something I've learned - ice in a cooler is not sufficient to keep ice cream cold, even just for a couple of hours... I learned the hard way. :)

I've been spending time in Dimensions streaming chat... it's been nice, lots of old friendly faces and some new who are stopping by to check it out. I get in and out of chat feelings, and right now it's fine... someplace to pop in and say hello... I'm sure it will wear off in time. I've talked to a couple of nice people, a guy even... who'd have thought... so that's always a plus.

Also, if you're interested in some convention pictures, Randi (SoVerySoft) has a bunch up on her site now... they are worth a look, pretty funny. :) SoVerySoft's Homepage

For now, I'm off... need to try to find something to eat, wait for a call on the state of my fridge... and just enjoy this beautiful breezy day. :)

I'm home!!

Yes, it was a long trip, but went well... we stopped for a quick overnight to break it up a bit, and were home very late on Monday. I spent Tuesday recovering, and today catching up on some emails and errands. I think I'm back in the swing of things.

I have only a very few pictures from my time away... I just didn't have the camera around very much, that always seems to happen when I'm on vacation. So much going on, you just do it, then think later "wow, would have been nice to get some pictures..." Oh well.

I got another email from a pro-ana person today, but she was a young girl, very nice. Said she found my site through a pro-ana site, and that she struggles with her weight (at 115lbs, 5'6"), feels fat, miserable, etc. Just breaks my heart. I can't stress enough that I could care less about people being fat or thin... I'm fat, always have been. Big deal. Some people are very thin, always will be. Big deal. But the big deal is to live your life, to not spend all your time trying to become something you're not, while you're waiting to be happy and live a little. I wrote back to her, and I do hope she keeps in touch... at around 16 years old, she's got a lot of road ahead of her and I just hope there is a path to some kind of contentment. :)

I have a need to rant about some guys, but I'm not going to... lol, because I know the feeling will pass, I'm just fed up tonight.

I'm here.... LONG RIDE.

It went pretty well though....no major problems (truck fire, deer in road, man doing wheelies on motorcycle, pulled over twice for speeding (not me!) - but we're here in Atlanta, all in one piece.

I'm heading down to the pool soon, but wanted to post a link to the NAAFA site... there are some early pictures up. And here is one of me!

Bye for now!
AnnMarie

Road trip.

It starts tomorrow... MA to GA in about 20 hours. Hopefully we'll all make it through in the same mental state we start off in. Deidra and Stephen are driving down, and I am mooching a ride. :) I can barely afford to go at all, but driving at least makes it "sort of" work. Many thanks to them for letting me tag along.

Soo, I'm off to NAAFA in Atlanta, I'll be there from sometime Weds until Sunday sometime when we start our drive home. Remember if you live in the area that you are welcome to come by the hotel to meet and mingle, and you can pay at the door to attend either the Friday or Saturday night dances, so just come on by. If you're a guy who has never been to anything with fat girls before, and you live anywhere NEAR GA (and I mean that, if it's a 3 hour drive... drive it!) and don't come to this, you have NO RIGHT to bitch about not meeting women. This is the event and if you just sit on your ass and don't seize opportunities like this, well... there is LITTLE hope for you. Hopefully I'll be running into some familiar faces (or names at least) and it will be a nice time. I will do my best to take pictures for you, but as you know I sometimes get side-tracked and forget snap away.

Have a blast people, and I will catch you when I get back!
AnnMarie

Weebl and Bob.

Just go look, you won't be sorry... sooo damn funny.

This link is to pie, but while you're there, check out the other links below... especially bull, shoes, hairy, etc. Oh man, so funny.

http://www.weebl.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/b3ta/pie.html

Ooooo, one more thing: When bad things happen to good fat girls.

I have a friend (yes, this is really about a friend) who's boyfriend broke up with her recently. She was in a relationship, they had the love, the commitment, etc. There was a distance issue, but he came to visit her often. It was, from the outside (and to her as well), a dream come true. She is a wonderful person... good people as I call her. She's intelligent, very funny, a bit nuts in a good way, pretty happy with herself as an indivudual, and with a good head on her shoulders. I was elated she had found a counterpart worthy of her. So was she. All was great.

Well, not long ago, it ended. Things end AnnMarie, I know that's what you're saying. And I agree... they do, it happens. But the thing that kills me about this situation is sometimes you just get a feeling about stuff. I had a feeling he was nice, that he loved her, that they were happy and that this was a great thing for both of them. Now I have a feeling that he is a coward and couldn't commit to her for whatever reason. His "reasons" for ending it are sooooo insane, it's hardly worth going into. But if I were dating someone who said to me... I love you, but I want you to be a big fat Pam Anderson with artificial nails, artificially permed and curled hair, an electric tan all the time and overly made up face, dripping with gold - well, I'd have to tell him to take a hike. And if he knew ME as a person, he would KNOW how unreasonable that request would be (although I'm sure I could rack my brain and come up with just such a person to introduce him to! lol) My friend was basically told a list like this... things that "seem" reasonable to desire, but things that are in no way something she can acheive (and my examples were superficial, hers were even more NOT able to happen). So how do you want all of those things, a list of things!!, and fall in love with someone inside and out? You only lay out the list after all the emotional investment?

I don't know if you do... it makes me feel/wonder like the list is not legitimate and that there was another reason... that he didn't have the nerve to follow through on the commitment from the beginning. Rather than being man enough to go into with that "out there" he just went through the motions until it got to a point where he could not longer put it off. Hearts break, tears fall... futures change. Why?? Because honesty, and I mean REAL honesty-from inside, when you look in the mirror at yourself- fell by the wayside.

It's just sad. Mad me think a lot of my ex.... how sometimes everything you want, and everything you need just doesn't come through. And I had to, and now my friend must, find a way to pick it all up, move on and find a new way of dealing with every day. It can be really hard, but you do it, you get better day by day. But as much as anyone says, you just never forget them. When you chose to love someone, when you let go of a part of yourself in that way... that's it. You never get all of it back, they are always part of you and your life, you always wonder. And as much as you may not want it, or want to admit it, you wonder about "someday".

She will be ok, she is strong and tough and is worth so much more than she's been put through, but I feel for her even having to go through it all. It's early stages, so I know she'll get better day by day... but meanwhile... I don't know, I really just want to kick him.

Hmm.

Hot-lanta, relief from heat, weighty issues and more.

Well this will be a issue packed blog to bring you up to date on the past few days. I AM going to the NAAFA convention in Atlanta. I don't know exactly how I'm going to pull it off, but it's happening... driving down with friends, rooming with other friends, etc... it's all contributing to making it work out. I am really looking forward to casual pool time, yeah!! Soooo, if you're in Atlanta, or the general area, you should be coming to check out the convention. From the 6th-11th it will be jam packed with pool time, dances and more. You DON'T have to register to come to the dances on Friday and Saturday, so just check out the site for the schedule of events.

COULD IT HAVE BEEN ANY WARMER THIS WEEK?? Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. I've been sweating for 3 days, but today I had a beautiful coastal breeze that really took the edge off our heat wave. Yay... when is fall coming? :)

So... my weighty issues. I don't have a real outline for this little part, but I've been feeling a bit under seige as a fat American recently. Seems everywhere I turn there is another "war being waged" against my fat ass, or your fat ass, or the crap people eat, or whatever. WLS is on everyone's lips, news is telling us how awful we are, how we should all be fixed. I don't know... I spent all this time getting to be ok with me and now the world has suddenly declared war on us... what the hell??

I'm back to a more empowered outlook right now, and I just feel like who the hell are all these people all of a sudden and why are they in my face? Get out. I am NOT one of those fat people who thinks I live in a bubble where life is grand and nothing bad will ever happen. I know there are health risks, of course... there are with everything else, why wouldn't carrying an extra grown person around with you be one?? But this onslaught of information is making me feel a bit like I've done something wrong by being born a big girl, growing up a big girl and living a life with it. The surgeon general wants to declare it a disease. A fucking disease. Am I catchy? It's not bad enough that stupid people who are phobic already look at fat people that way? They actually need to have a major world health authority back them up? No. You can't catch fat, people, I swear it won't rub off. Ask all of my thin ex's- they've probably rubbed more than most and they are all still quite fit. :)

Well, that was truly a rambling mess... sorry, I warned you. I just have a lot of these things in my head and they're in no particular order. If I get around to putting them in a more composed format I might try again. :)