Day-to-Day Doings I read that somewhere. I wrote it down, and then I read it.
Saturday, July 27
Saturday Night's all right for fightin'....
Well, I have no one to fight, doesn't it just figure? Actually I'm heading out very shortly to hang around with a friend, have some dinner, talk about boys, who knows.... just a nice, relaxing Saturday night.
Well, the phone thing I mentioned in the last entry has been up for a few days now... and I can't honestly tell you if it's working or not. I haven't been available too much, so that might be part of the issue.
I am debating right now on whether I am going to be able to get to the NAAFA convention this year, it's in Atlanta. Money is really tight right now, and I'm just not sure whether I can swing it, but I'm going to crunch my numbers over the next few days and see what I can come up with. I wouldn't mind going, but I just can't let other things slip to make it happen. Looks like if I do end up going it will be a roadtrip with a couple that I know, so that will be quite an adventure! :)
Well, I am going to get ready to go out... have a nice night people. :)
Yeah, I know that sounds a bit odd. But I found out about this kind of neat service from a couple of friends... it's called keen.com. I'm signed up there, and you can actually call me through it. It IS a pay service, but I have the rate set at .20 cents a minute (the lowest it will go and I make NOTHING). You get $5 free dollars when you sign up, which is sort of neat to try it out, etc.
I just thought it might be fun to try, and it gives me the ability to talk to some of you, but also keep information private in terms of my phone number, etc. I'm sure you understand the web is just NOT a good place to give out information like that.
So, if you want to try it... feel free to check it out at http://www.keen.com/AnnMarieBBW. I "think" you can even just hear my greeting without spending anything.... lol - it's a trial thing here people, we'll see how it goes. :)
Oh yeah, this should go without saying, but this is NOT for phone sex... got me??
Where do I start?? This show is CRAZY!!! I wasn't expecting much, but it got me in that hand-over-mouth, scrunching-eyes-shut position on the couch. It's sooo sadistic. I'm sick to death of the reality genre, but this was nuts.
Premise: 3 guys show up at a house to woo a girl, and her parents. There is a challenge that they must complete (tonight was things they had to do at the dinner table including belching, eating off the dad's plate, and wiping the mother's mouth with a napkin). A little later old girlfriend's show up and tell what they're "really" like, and the guys are not allowed to defend themselves at all. THEN a little later, these video tapes show up and tell some dirty little secrets. One guy is then dismissed, and the last two are subjected to a lie detector test. The parents pick the winner to go on a trip to Hawaii with the girl. Whew!
Tonight's secrets?? First one was Kory, he cheated on his SATs and by doing so got into Penn State. And Jason... well, according to a "very close friend" in a very skimpy little shirt, Jason likes to get spanked. Yup. The parents nearly passed out on that tape. Chris, the boxer, slept with an ex-girlfriend's mother (which he denied, while the other two owned up to their embarassing secrets).
You ever get that feeling when you're watching something that you're so embarassed for the person that you want to turn the station, or crawl out of your own skin?? Well that's where I was with this one... it's just THAT uncomfortable. Talk about your worst nightmares... not only the girl you are trying to win over finds this stuff out, but her DAD!!! Ahhh, every guy is in fear of the dad. And what if you're the girl, what if you like the idea of the guy who likes to be spanked?? How do you tell your parents not to eliminate him for that?? LOL
In the end the parent's picked the boxer, who lied again on the lie detector about sleeping with the ex-girlfriend's mom, but the parents seemed to think he was more honest overall, everyone got choked up... and he and the girl will be off to Hawaii together.
I will be tuning in next week to see if they can keep up the mania that is this show. :)
Huge topic, and there is just no good place to start. I don't like it, but I don't disapprove. I have a lot of people around right now who are contemplating it, going through it, or recovering from it - it's just a fact of life. I think there are a lot of different reasons for it and they range from vanity (for lack of a better term) to an issue of health/life.
When I say vanity, I think I mean people who've tried to be ok with themselves, but have never quite made that step... and they are finally just doing something to get closer to what they really want to be. There are a lot of fat girls out there who appear to be quite confident, who really aren't. They talk the party line, but in truth they are just going through the motions and they're not happy, secure, content or confident in their own skin. I'm not saying that's a fault, it's just a fact... and this surgery offers some hope of getting to a place that might make them happier.
I personally don't want to have it, but as an option to save my life if my health were ever in THAT much jeopardy someday, well - maybe it's a necessary evil.
The reason I'm bringing this up is that tonight on 48hours (CBS TV show) they are discussing weight loss, and they covered a girl named Ruthie who was first on over a year ago. She was well over 500lbs, young girl, and had WLS with her mom. They followed up with her in a year and she was down to 312lbs, and another year later, she was still about 300lbs. She's reached a plateau and will probably not continue to lose weight. Meanwhile she's become a bit more confident, has gotten a job, even had a cute date (more than I've got!!! lol).
Well, the surgeon who did her WLS wanted to do another surgery... he wanted to "help" her continue to lose by resectioning her bowel yet again, bypassing even more of it.... which would make her continue to drop weight. She was all for it, saying "I was a side show, but people still see me as an overweight person". Well yeah, 300lbs is still a big girl, fact of life. Anyway... thank God she changed her mind as of story time, and chose not to do the second surgery, because she was admittedly only doing it for "vanity" reasons. Smart girl to realize that before it was too late.
What boggles my mind is that this can even be done... that surgery was going to leave her with a life of digestive problems, risks of protein malnutrition, probable hair loss (which is a side effect of WLS anyway, never mind a second and more severe resectioning). I personally believe that dr (wish I could recall his name) is fighting a battle of fat that is for societies reasons, and not for the fat people and their health. If long term health were the primary issue, you would not be ready to do something so drastic to a young girl who is otherwise healthy... even at 300lbs.
It's not a magic bullet, and it's not going to bring you from fat girl to supermodel.... that's just not what it does. Know the risks, know about the sagging, extra skin that you will most likely need surgery to remove, know about the possible hair loss from nutrition changes, know about the possible vomitting and diarrhea that can continue for a long time. Please just know that you might be able to lose 50-100lbs on your own in a safer, slower and more contructive way for your body..... and STILL be able to eat an entire bowl of ice cream on your birthday or something.
Sorry, I'm not trying to preach... it just makes me nervous when people don't understand that this is NOT a simple thing, it's not a quick fix and it is a major, life-altering surgery... and not just in the shape of your body. Please just learn to love yourself inside and out, before you go and try to have someone else change you.
But seriously... how many times do I have to see the end of "Bridget Jone's Diary" before I stop crying over it?? I just don't get it. I must overly identify with her in some way.
You know it's a bad sunburn when you actually begin to shiver from it.... yikes. I'm sitting here trembling.
Anyway - I just heard this song, and the lyrics... I don't know, maybe I'm having a teenage moment, but they really stuck in my head. I don't have anyone to place them on (thank goodness I haven't had anything that angry in a while), but they just sat in my head. I wanted to share them.
DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL
"The Best Deceptions" I heard about your trip. I heard about your souvenirs. I heard about the cool breeze, in the cool nights, and the cool guys that you spent them with. Well I guess I should have heard of them from you. I guess I should have heard of them from you. Don't you see, don't you see, that the charade is over? And all the "Best Deceptions" and "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you. So kiss me hard 'cause this will be the last time that I let you. You will be back someday and this awkward kiss that tells of other people's lips will be of service to keeping you away. I heard about your regrets. I heard that you were feeling sorry. I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us. Well I guess I should have heard of them from you. I guess I should have heard of them from you. I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers, I'll be all right when my hands get warm.Ignoring the phone, I'd rather say nothing. I'd rather you'd never heard my voice. too late to be gracious and you do not warrant long good-byes. You're calling too late
Yes, folks... that's today's fun. I have been contacted by anorexics who have told me how disgusting I am, and how I am inspiration for their "goals". I actually helped someone fast all week!! Yay me!!
Hmm, how do I feel about this? Well, it's hard to take the opinion of anyone with a diagnosed mental defect with much weight (pun fully intended!), and people who are hell bent on killing themselves to exert control over an otherwise uncontrollable life are really not my biggest concern. Even if they claim that is not the genesis of their disease, and it's a body dismorphic disorder gone out of control then again... oh well, not my issue.
I guess I just think it's sad that people would go to life threatening lengths to change their bodies rather than try to find happiness in who they are and what they look like. It's not an easy thing, and I realize some people are just not strong enough to do that.
The nice side effect are the anorexics and bulemics who have contacted me over time in the positive sense of seeing another way of life, and that you can honestly be "ok" with who you are and live a happy life. You don't have to suffer for a false sense of body security and spend your entire life, and every waking moment, obsessing over what your warped mind's eye thinks your body should reflect. I guess if they don't have that though, they would have to pay attention to the reall issues in life... and maybe that's just too much for some of them. It's easier to focus on something like your body, oh... and of course to spew hatred at people who are mature enough to be at peace with themselves and their life.
I will just never understand how my contentment and confidence can be such a threat to someone else, and to waste time in their precious lives to write and share that feeling?? You should never feel threatened by someone else's sense of self. Sad.
Jack Cooley. He was from Schenectady. I learned to spell that for him.
I spent the better part of my ride home last night thinking about Jack. I don't know why, I hadn't really in a very long time... but there he was, front and center. He liked jazz as I recall.
I was 15, but told him I was 16 - because in my head that made a difference. He was 20 or 21, not sure. He was beautiful. Tall, handsome, slightly outdoorsy quality, but polished/preppy, funny, vibrant, creative, and very nice. He is the first guy I can think of that I liked who is pretty much what I now consider to be my "type" if I have one.
I loved him like nothing - we worked together at this little country store in a very Rockwellian town near me. I look back and I'm not completely sure he wasn't having an affair with the store owner, but who knows. And if I was her... I would have been as well. He was charming. He talked to me, spent time laughing with me, we had a good time. I must have been downright starry eyed around him. Even then I couldn't hide my feelings very well. Don Henly's The Boys of Summer was out... couldn't have been more appropriate to me. *sigh*
He went back to college in the fall - to Bowdoin, smart guy, I'm telling you. I think the was there for music or something... saxophone? Hmm, not sure... sounds like it might be right. Anyway, he was nice enough to entertain me by answering letters I would send. I think there were maybe 3-4 of them in total. I'm sure he was busy with real life, girls, classes, etc... but I had nothing to do but RUN to the mailbox everyday looking for them.
I loved those letters. They came in these creamy envelopes, with matching creamy paper inside. They were addressed to me in meticulous, small letters with vibrant blue felt tip pen - the site of them was fantastic. At one point I decided that it was time to "reveal" my feelings/age to Jack. I don't know why... I was busting with emotion, I had to tell him. I believe I got a reply that was along the lines of.... you're so sweet... another time, another place (another girl of course, but he was too nice to say that to the chubby girl - who was way more than chubby, but he'd be too nice to say fat either). I can't find those letters anymore, and I really wish I could. Sometimes it seems like a big dream, but to me it was the closest this little fat girl got to having a "guy".
I am sure he's now married, close to 40, with kids, hopefully still the same person, and sharing that with someone who saw all the same qualities that young girl did. In reality he may not be quite like that... but to me, he sure was. :)
Yes, that is exactly how I'm feeling right now. I just poured through about 200 pictures trying to do my Thursday night update, and nothing. I didn't like any of them, just not feeling very good about me right now. It happens sometimes, just like to anyone... it's just annoying when I feel like I'm supposed to be updating or something and I can't really get satisfied with a damn thing I look at... yuck. I bug me. I'm sure I'll be ok in a couple of days, but right now.... bleck....
If you want to see the "real" me... check HERE . That's me... sometimes it's just me, shopping, running errands, and not dressed up for a dance or whatever, or "lounging" pool/jacquzzi side.... those of you who "know" me know that, but for the rest.... surprise.... I'm a real chick. lol.... What you see is what you get.
Okay, going to lay down now... maybe I just need a nap?? AnnMarie
Yup, sure am. Came home with a nice little post-trip cold as well.... always a nice souvenier. :)
It was a great trip, lots of fun... I got to see some west coast friends, and hang around with some of the east coast gang that headed out with us... so it wonderful to share the time with so many different people. I wish I had kept some notes about things, but over the next few entries I will try to hit on some different things.... our trip to Emeril's Delmonico Steakhouse at The Venetian, etc.
I found a new game that I LOVE! Craps. Oh baby, it's so fun. I always played blackjack with Heather, and I still really enjoy it, but craps is a lot of fun, and I had a great time playing it so far (I still have to learn more). Money wise it worked out well too, so that's always a good thing.
I am a SnapShot update behind because the connections in Vegas were SO expensive, so I'll be updating this Thursday, and hopefully will have two shots to make up for it.
Hope all is well with you, I have to go nap - this cold is kicking my butt.
